I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
