ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
