battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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