This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
