New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
