I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
