Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
