listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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