she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I only lived at night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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