She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
