the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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