You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
