Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
