she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
