Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
