I wanna passion pit in your ass
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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