i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
