You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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