Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
