It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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