grandma shit on top of the toilet
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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