The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
