??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
