Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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