woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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