To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
