guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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