I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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