I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize