i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
