i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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