Swine flu. Run for my life!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
