yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
