google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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