I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
