No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
