someone owes me an orgasm
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
