it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
