he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
