He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
