i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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