i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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