he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
