I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
