I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
