Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
