My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
