it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
