ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize