at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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