whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
