STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
