well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize