1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize