So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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