ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
