Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
