I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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