I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
