dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize