i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
