i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
