White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
