ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had sex on a roof
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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