Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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