I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize