How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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