just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
