I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
