Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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