I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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