1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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