VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
