I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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