Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize