man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize