How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
