I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
