we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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