Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
