I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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