i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
