Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize