Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
