Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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