I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
