so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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