she told me i tasted like america
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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