....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
