when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
