Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
