i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
