she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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