i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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