i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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