i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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