My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
