So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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